What to Ask the Discharge Nurse Before Your Parent Goes Home

Ask for Ten Minutes Sitting Down

Say this, plainly: I have about ten minutes of questions and I would rather ask them somewhere we can both sit than in the corridor on the way out. Almost nobody refuses. Ask early in the day, before the discharge itself starts, because once it starts everyone is moving.

Bring the printed questions and a pen. Bring a second person if you can, because one of you can write while the other listens, and afterwards you have two versions of what was said.

The distinction that makes this conversation useful: you are asking what the household has to do, not what the hospital has been doing. Those are different lists. A task that takes a nurse forty seconds on a ward with everything to hand may take you twenty minutes in a bathroom at home, and that is worth knowing before Tuesday rather than during it.

Write down names. Not roles — names, and a direct number where one exists.

• Ask early in the day, before the discharge process starts
• Ask for a seat and ten minutes
• Take printed questions, a pen, and a second person if possible
• Write down names and direct numbers, not job titles
• Ask them to slow down; nobody has ever minded

Questions About the First Twenty-Four Hours

The first day home is the one that goes wrong. Everyone is tired, the house feels different, and nothing has been rehearsed.

Ask what has to happen before discharge, at what time, and who is walking you through the instructions. Then ask for the first-day instructions in print, now, rather than as part of a summary that may arrive later.

Ask the door question, which sounds trivial and is not: how does my parent get from the car to the front door, and who should be there. Steps, a path, a heavy door and one person carrying a bag is a genuinely difficult combination.

Finish with the number. Who do I call at two in the morning with a question that is not an emergency? Every family needs that number in the first week and almost nobody has it.

• What time is discharge, and what has to happen before it?
• Who is walking us through the instructions, and when?
• Is there a printed sheet for the first day at home, and may I have it now?
• How does my parent get from the car to the front door, and who should be there?
• What should the first evening look like, in practical terms?
• What should I write down tonight and tomorrow, and who wants to see it?
• Who do I call at 2am with a question that is not an emergency?

Questions About the Tasks the Family Will Be Doing

This is the heart of the conversation. Some things the ward has been doing will now be done by you, and the handover for that is often two sentences and a leaflet.

Ask for a demonstration and then ask to do it once while they watch. That single request — may I do it once while you watch — is worth more than any amount of written instruction, and it is the thing families most often wish they had asked for.

Ask which tasks should not be done by family at all, and who does those instead. That answer tells you what has to be arranged before you leave.

Ask what to record each time and in what form. A task you are doing three times a day becomes much easier to hand over to a sibling, or to describe at a follow-up appointment, if there is a simple line written each time: date, time, what was done, anything noticed.

• Which tasks will the family be doing at home that the ward has been doing?
• Can you show me each one, and watch me do it once before we leave?
• Is there a written or video instruction for each one?
• How long does each take, and how many times a day?
• Which tasks should not be done by family, and who does them instead?
• What should I record each time — time, what was done, what I noticed?
• Who checks that we are doing it right, and when?

Questions About Supplies, Equipment and the House

Supplies run out on a Sunday. Ask on Thursday where the second delivery comes from, who orders it, and who pays.

Equipment needs a date, a company name and a phone number, and it needs somebody to show you how to use it. Delivery and instruction are frequently two different visits, and assuming they are one is how a frame sits unused in a hallway for a fortnight.

Then ask about the house itself. What should be moved or changed before we get home. Is a home safety visit part of this, and who arranges it. Nurses see the consequences of hallway rugs and low chairs constantly, and they will usually tell you exactly what to look at if asked.

Ask what happens to the equipment afterwards too. Collection is rarely automatic, and a stair rail nobody will remove is a small, irritating problem you can avoid by asking now.

• What supplies do we need in the house on day one, and who orders them?
• Where do supplies come from after the first delivery, and who pays?
• What equipment is being delivered, on what day, and who signs for it?
• Who installs it, and who shows us how to use it?
• What in the house should be moved or changed before we get home?
• Is a home safety visit part of this, and who arranges it?
• What happens to the equipment when it is no longer needed?

Questions About Who Comes to the House and When

Several services may be involved, each with its own schedule, and nobody automatically tells the others what they are doing. Get the list before you leave the ward, with names and direct numbers.

Ask what each of them needs ready for the first visit. Sometimes it is a document, sometimes a clear space, sometimes just somebody in the house who can answer questions.

Ask who is coordinating them. If the honest answer is that nobody is, that is important information — it means the coordination is yours, and you can plan for that rather than discovering it in week two.

End with the open question. Is there anything you would want ready at home that I have not asked about? Discharge nurses see what families come back for. Give them the opening and most will tell you.

• Which services will visit the house, how often, and starting when?
• What are their names and direct numbers?
• What do they need us to have ready for the first visit?
• Who is coordinating all of them, and how do I reach that person?
• If nobody has called by a certain day, who do I chase?
• Is there anything you would want ready at home that I have not asked about?

How to Write It Down and What to Do in Week One

Use one sheet with four boxes, filled in before you leave the building: tasks the family is doing; supplies and equipment with dates; who visits and when; phone numbers for day, night and weekend.

Under tasks, write each one as a line with a time and a tick box, and photocopy the sheet seven times. That becomes the first week's log. Anyone in the house can fill it in, which matters when a sibling covers a day.

Record observations, never conclusions. "Slept in the chair, 2pm to 4pm" is useful to a professional. "Seemed worse today" is not. Facts and times travel; interpretations do not.

On day seven, read the week back. What did not happen. Which service never called. Which supply is nearly out. That is your call list for Monday morning, and it takes ten minutes to produce because you wrote it down as you went.

• Four boxes on one sheet: tasks, supplies and equipment, visitors, phone numbers
• Photocopy the task sheet seven times before you leave the car park
• Write what was observed and when — never what you concluded
• Anyone in the house can fill it in, including a covering sibling
• Read the week back on day seven and turn the gaps into a call list

Questions